I was covered in sand, sunburnt like a crawdad, and kicked in the back by my three-year-old when sharing a bed, but I learned so much about my own strengths and capabilities.
The idea came to me like a sudden blossoming, a yearning under my ribs that hadn’t truly existed until I saw that it was possible.
A friend, and fellow single parent, posted pictures of herself and her kids on a camping trip. They were all grinning and bright, the sunlight cascading over them as they adventured in the wild. I was struck by the thought that I wanted to do that with my kids as well and see them smile in nature.
I realized that I could do it if I wanted to; I am the head of my household and I make all my own decisions regarding finances and my kids. If I wanted to take them to the beach for a night and I had the money, then no one could stop me! I felt invincible: Super Single Mom was ready for any challenge!
We went to a beach an hour and a half away, spending the day on the sand and in the water while waiting for our nearby beach suite to be ready for check-in. I had spent time earlier that morning making a picnic to bring on the beach in order to save money.
When we arrived, trudging across the sand with all our backpacks and the stroller, I wasn’t sure how the day would pan out but I was ready to meet it head-on.
As it happens, the older kids loved splashing in the water and chasing each other across the sand, while my youngest played in the sand for hours, never once becoming bored. They hunted for shells and rocks, curling their hands over their little treasures. We shouted at seagulls who kept trying to steal our small bags of chips and groaned when sand got in our food.
After hours of playing and munching on grapes and other picnic foods, we were finally able to go to our beach suite, where I helped them all shower and clean the sand off their bodies.
Needless to say, my energy and strength were ebbing by that point, but what kept me going was the fact that I was doing it all for them. Before the trip, I thought deeply about my expectations and I realized that it would be ridiculous to think of this trip as a “vacation” for myself. The kids needed a lot of help and care, and I was the only adult so it was up to me, which was fine. I knew what I was getting myself into.
After we were all clean, we went on a short walk, looking at the cute shops and trying to find a place for dinner. Once we settled on a place, we all walked in together.
The hostess blinked at our large group. “Wow, that’s a lot of kiddos! You’re brave.”
I laughed it off, but I didn’t feel “brave,” I felt like a mother taking her children out to dinner. Yes, I have four children, including a set of twins, but it doesn’t make me “brave” to take them places by myself.
She was young and most likely childless herself, so I’m not offended, but I just found her choice of words interesting. I am not the sort of person that wouldn’t do things just because I have kids. I deserve to have a life too, and do things I want to do. Looking back, perhaps we should have gotten food to-go and brought it back to our room, but only because we were all exhausted from our long beach day. The dinner out still went well; the kids ate a lot and were pretty well-behaved, even though they were spooked by a pigeon that was attracted to the scraps under the table.
The next day, we made it home by lunchtime, worn out by sun and surf. But the kids were shining with excitement, telling Grandpa (my dad) all about their “beach vacation.”
I was exhausted and sunburnt, ready to lay down on my bed all weekend, but I was filled with a sense of contentment and pride. I was able to make it work and put together a little trip for us all, on my own with my money and everything. I didn’t let any feelings of shame or unworthiness cloud my mind; there is NOTHING wrong with being a single parent and we are allowed to do fun things with our kids just like any other family. There is no shame in taking your kids places by yourself.
I learned that I am capable of so much! There’s no stopping me once I set my mind to something. I was happy, the kids were happy, and we made a special memory together. I am proud of myself, which has done a lot for my self-esteem. Single parents are just as capable of taking their kids on vacation as two parents together. Yes, it might be more tiring and there won’t be many moments for relaxation, but you have to plan accordingly and be gentle with yourself. Shifting expectations and being realistic and understanding helps too
This trip was hard and took a lot out of me, but I wanted to do it for my kids and I learned more about myself. It’s also good to balance things out: next month I’m going to a different beach with my best friend for a night, so that’ll be my vacation!
