Y’all, I’m tired.
I’m going to put this out into the Universe: I’m a divorced single mom looking for love!
But not at the expense of myself, my kids, or my time.
I married young and became a stay at home mom almost immediately, so I never used dating apps. When I divorced my ex-husband, I delved into that virtual world. For real, online dating doesn’t have the best reputation and that intrigued me. The ease of use called me like a siren on the cliffs; “we are easy to use and easy to delete” the apps sang to me from the glowing screen of my phone. I tried different ones and listened to how they made me feel.
Bumble made me feel like I kept putting myself out there to no avail; that app even caused me to feel low self-worth for a while. The model of the app is supposedly “safer” for women, but a lot of men have figured out ways to cheat the system and that makes it a miserable waste of time. I’m not so desperate for a date that I’m going to spend my limited free time sending out greeting messages to men who have no interest in responding.
(I have a theory that SOME men (not all, geez) are on the apps to get their egos stroked, pet, nibbled, anything else that feels good, and have no intention of getting into a serious relationship with a woman. Especially one with kids.)
Tinder was confusing and the quality of men didn’t light my fire, so to speak. Like please, I don’t need some man-child who likes showing his abs and wants me to worship him with praise after he calls me pretty. Give me quality, give me intelligence, give me determination.
I’ve had better luck on Hinge: I met my ex-boyfriend on there and I learned a lot from that relationship. I even met up with a couple guys when I went back on it and nothing worked out, but that’s okay. It is what it is. However, lately I’ve been getting likes and messages from men I have no interest in even getting to know so I believe the quality has gone down or something else is throwing off the algorithm.
I am also sick of the stigmas and judgements towards single parents (it goes both ways here people) on the apps. Yeah I am divorced and I have kids, but I have every right to meet a man for conversation, drinks, dancing, you name it. I have needs and I am not ashamed! I will announce my desires at the top of a hill if I want to!
I AM A WOMAN AND I LOVE D —
Okay, I’m done.
All joking aside, I take care of my own stuff, like my kids, my finances, my responsibilities. I’d hate for man to come into my life and take care of all that for me. I love how I am able to take care of things on my own. It’s a way for me to show my strength, independence, and capability. I do want to be taken care of in other ways: affection, attention, having a man cook for me, going out dancing, talking about all sorts of subjects, helping me with things around my home, etc. My responsibilities, like my kids, are mine for sure, but I am not going to be shy and say that I don’t need any help or comfort. It’s okay to want those things and to be vocal about it.
Yet, sometimes I wonder if men see that I have kids and freak out, imagining all sorts of anxiety-induced sensationalistic scenarios where I ask for money or time or weird stuff. (Like what? I don’t know, you tell me!)
Seriously, if you feel like that, grow up. We are all adults here. I am in my thirties and I can guarantee a lot of marriages we see on Facebook will divorce; it’s a statistic and a well-known fact. I am not anti-divorce, but far from it. I believe it’s healthy to be able to leave a relationship that isn’t working or isn’t serving you. Many times kids will be involved, so instead of making those kids feel different for having divorced parents, let’s be kind and understanding because it’s more common than you think.
Divorce isn’t the end of the world and it shouldn’t be something shocking or indecent, like pickle-flavored jelly beans. Let’s normalize it in our conversations (divorce, not the jelly beans).
Like jelly beans, there are many different kinds of people out there. Not all will like my flavor, but some will. We are all different, valuable, and worthy.
I have paused my profile on the dating apps for now. I am focusing on finishing college and trying to take care of myself and my kids as best I can. If something happens with a man, great! But if not, I’m going to keep watering my inner garden and letting myself blossom as I wait for someone who will value me and my family.
