The days are long, dark, and cold. Not everyone has a picture-perfect holiday season, and that is no reason to feel like there’s something wrong with you.
As I approach another holiday season as a single parent, I find myself inundated with unhelpful thoughts.
“Am I doing enough for my kids?” “Why is this time of year so hard for me?” “I wish I had someone to hold me on these cold, dark nights.”
The truth is, unlike all those holiday movies out there heightening up unrealistic expectations, Christmas and New Years are just days. The world doesn’t magically become brighter or better just because it’s Christmas.
Now, I am aware that that sounds bleak, but I am being realistic. However, just like any other day, they have the potential to be spectacular and life-changing.
December 25 isn’t great just because it’s Christmas, it’s great because it’s another day I can hug my children. It’s another day in a long line of days that bring me closer to achieving my goals. It’s a day where I can breathe in fresh air and remember why I am glad to be alive.
There is so much pressure around the holidays. As children, we noticed a glamour that surrounded those glistening winter days full of chocolate and twinkling lights, and we were swept up in the belief that the perfect gift will right all wrongs and help us sleep better at night.
The gifts lie within ourselves and by offering those around us a smile or help, we spread that famed holiday cheer.
And those of us who are single parents feel even more stress this time of year. Our children are bombarded with commercials, ads, movies, and books about cozy “perfect” families celebrating the holidays together. There is a sense that if you have only one parent at home, you aren’t celebrating the holidays correctly. That there is a lack of something.
What a bunch of lies.
Single parents who work hard to make sure their children have a magical holiday season are superheroes. We have to work twice as much and shoulder an extra burden. My first Christmas as a single parent shook me like thunder; I cried while wrapping gifts on my own, feeling an emptiness and a deep shame. I worried that my children will have a terrible Christmas because they only have me now. I worried that I will never have anyone to sit up and look at the brightly-lit Christmas tree with.
Yet, as the weeks went on, things got brighter and opportunities presented themselves to me like freshly bloomed flowers.
A difficult holiday season doesn’t set the tone for your life. It means that you are human and while things may be hard right now, they won’t always be. Life moves us forward like a river snaking through a forest. There are rocks and logs littering the riverbed, but we fight forward. They don’t hold us back and while they can cause grief, it is brief.
There are eight days until Christmas and part of me is stressed out because nothing is planned, nothing is wrapped, and I’m not sure I’m going to be able to do what I really want to this year. I feel like I have no control, yet that is fundamentally not true. I have to let go of expectations and take it one day at a time. I can control my reaction to this holiday time, and I can also take charge. If I want to do something, then I will do my best to make it happen. If I want to take a step back or make things easier, I can do that too. There are many benefits to being the only adult in a household.
There is no shame or issue in admitting this is a hard time. No one is a bad person if they are alone during the holidays. Just because this holiday is difficult to get through doesn’t mean that the next one will be. There is so much strength in being able to get up each day and face what’s ahead.
I believe in you.
