I’m tired — I’m a single parent of four energetic kittens, ahem, kids and I’m tired of freezer pops, bickering, Roblox, stepping on toys, and fighting for the bathroom. Is it back to school yet?
The summer heat seeps through the windows and blinds, coating everything in a hot, sticky haze.
Or maybe it just seems that way to me because I’m usually clucking around like the old woman who lived in a shoe, who had so many children she didn’t know what to do.
That’s how it has felt since that fateful day last March, where I found out on my first date with my boyfriend that I lost my job and my kids’ school closed. (All within a few minutes of each other, no joke!)
And I’ve been tired ever since.
It’s the kind of exhaustion that settles in your bones, like a sinuous snake curling around your femur. Some rare days I feel capable of anything and everything — a cosmic superwoman who can clean, do laundry, workout, cook, write, recycle, bathe, text her special people, and take the kids outside all in one day.
Most days, I only manage a few things, but that’s okay. I have a full household to keep running and I take my responsibilities seriously since the kids live with me full time. I haven’t been back to work since last March, and since my older kids had to do distance learning, there weren’t any opportunities to go back into the workforce. My kids needed me to help them navigate this trying time and learn a whole new way of living.
However, summer is winding down to a close: the kids start school on August 11, in person!!!
Hallelujah! I want to just dance in sprinklers and spray champagne everywhere! Champagne shower wooooooo!
Okay, I’ll slow down. Get ahold of myself.
And even more exciting and worthy of wasting perfectly bubbly champagne is the fact that I’m going back to school too!
*dances to Doja Cat like an octopus covered in champagne *
I left college 10 years ago to have my twins and desperately wanted to finish; I only had one year left, but too many factors fell through and I couldn’t do it. I was even told by my old college that my credits would be useless after a certain amount of time, I would have trouble transferring, stuff like that.
All lies.
I am now going to a different, local college and the people I’ve spoken to have been supportive. They want to help me finish in one year, and I even got a large scholarship because of my grades at my old college.
Now that all these exciting changes are approaching, I’m realizing just how tired we all are.
Tired of struggling to make sense of new rules and worries.
Tired of missing friends and fun activities.
Tired of feeling isolated and stuck.
Tired of cleaning the same things over and over because the kids are home so much that nothing ever stays clean.
I start a summer class on Monday and the end to this monotonous waiting is so close I can almost taste it, like a tart key lime pie wobbling with sweetness and zing.
I know the kids and I will still be tired when school starts for all of us, but it’ll be a different kind of tired. One that is richer, fuller, and with a different kind of purpose.
Not to say that staying home was without purpose, but it’s hard to feel like you are making progress towards goals or learning a lot when you have to stay home.
It hasn’t been an easy time, but as my kids grow up and I start this new chapter of my life, I’m grateful we had this time together.
