As a teenager in the 2000s, I felt so much pressure to be “skinny” and if I didn’t wear certain clothes, then I wasn’t “cool.” Now, as a single mom of four in my thirties, I am learning that no matter what shape my body is, it deserves love and care.
A few months ago, I read a tweet that resonated with me. As soon as I read it, memories came at me like balls of fire, and I had a flashback to my teen years: feeling forlorn as I walked the halls of my high school, my head bowed low, hoping no one would notice me.
The tweet was about how hard it was growing up as a teenage girl in the 2000s. Society and pop culture were wildly different back then; there wasn’t much talk of size-inclusivity and many popular clothing brands didn’t offer a lot of choices for people who needed larger sizes. My body type was different: I had curves, large bust, broad shoulders, thick arms and wrists, wide hips. Round stomach. I couldn’t walk in to a Forever 21 and find clothes off the rack.
The tweet mentioned the popularity of low-rise jeans and how “skinny” was in; the media perpetrated that look and I remember feeling left out because I couldn’t wear jeans like that. They just didn’t work with my body and never will, which is fine because I don’t care for them at all! Give me high-waisted everything!
Ahem.
Jeans aside, I felt so out of place because of my weight. I thought there was something wrong with me because I looked different than most of my peers. Other kids would make rude comments about my weight to my face. I worried that I would never be able to find love because of my weight. I used to see if other women of my size were married or with a boyfriend because then I had a little hope that there was someone out there for me.
Just typing out those last two sentences made me sad.
There’s absolutely NO reason I don’t deserve love because of my weight. Being “skinnier” wouldn’t have made me a “better” or more “desirable” person. This might sound cliché, but it’s what’s inside that shines and attracts love and magical things in our lives.
Even after I lost weight from stress-induced IBS and exercise (I had a rough time in my late teens), I always felt so bad about my body. I then gained weight again after having my children, lost some, the gained some again during the pandemic. It happens; life changes can be hard on our bodies.
What shocked me recently was looking back on old college pictures and seeing how much slimmer I was, but remembering how low my self-confidence was. I was still critical and negative about my body even though I had lost weight from stress; I needed love, kindness, rest, and support.
We all do. Is it easy?
Hell no!
But ever since I left my ex, I started loving my body more. I felt proud of it, for withstanding so much trauma and hardship. I knew that I was worthy and deserved to be loved as I am. I was worth fighting for, so I fought for myself.
Looking Inside
I believe that learning to love our bodies begins inside, with our inner voice and inner thoughts. We have to train ourselves to catch when we start criticizing or putting down our bodies or looks. Negative self-talk causes harm and is unnecessary; believe me, I’m still working on that myself so I know it’s difficult.
Affirmations, such as “I am worthy of love and good things just as I am,” can help. Write them down or repeat them in your mind or out loud can cement them in your mind. Even writing them out in a journal accompanied by your thoughts can help.
Would we put our loved ones down if they were feeling upset or insecure about themselves? No!
So why would you do it to yourself?
Have Fun With It
Following body positive profiles on Instagram can be fun and a great way to find fashion inspiration!
Look up brands online that carry all sorts of sizes; it’s nice to see all the options available now. It’s also fun to mix colors, patterns, styles, and fabrics.
If you like what you are wearing and are comfortable, then you are helping yourself heal because you are telling yourself it’s possible to feel good and look good too. In the end, it’s your opinion that matters.
Take Up Space
I spent so many years trying to shrink myself and take up as little space as possible.
There were a lot of clothes I felt embarrassed to be seen in, but now I’m working on embracing myself and wearing what I want.
Now, I wear big colorful earrings, flowy skirts, boots, crop tops, bikinis, and more. I’m tired of literally trying to look smaller than I am; I want to embrace myself.
We only have one life to live, and I don’t want to spend any more of mine feeling sad because I am too embarrassed of my body to wear something. We are allowed to take up space and claim ourselves. We are worthy of good things, and one of those is the freedom to be ourselves.
Lingerie Baby!
Oh boy, do I love lingerie.
Nothing says I love my body more than lingerie.
Of course, that’s just me. It’s different for everyone, but when I started buying lingerie for the first time as a 30-year-old single mom of four, I discovered a new confidence within me.
I felt beautiful, desirable, more me.
I began to see my body in a new light, and I also realized that it was possible to find lingerie in so many different styles, and most importantly, sizes.
I adore my lingerie collection and definitely want more; it’s so fun!
Here’s A Hug
Yep, here’s a biiiiiiiiig hug from me to you.
(I believe hugs can change the world.)
Okay, feeling the love? Good. Now hug yourself! Wrap your arms around your body, cradling it, giving it the relief and security of acceptance. And if you aren’t ready for that quite yet, that’s okay too. Baby steps, baby.
In the end, this whole subject is deeply personal and different for every person. These are just my words and experiences, and I hope they can be of help to someone out there.
You are worthy of good things, no matter what.
