Connecting with your inner child can look like many different things.
For a while, I didn’t quite understand how to connect with my inner child or even re-parent her. I was learning so much about healing from trauma and how to grow my self-confidence that when I tried to picture healing my inner child, I came up blank. I wasn’t quite ready for that journey yet. I believe looking deep inside yourself for your inner child is a personal and intense journey, where you are peeling back layers and learning to understand more about yourself.
Now, I can visualize my inner child and talk to her with words and phrases I learned during my healing journey. I feel strong enough to dip down into that part of myself and meet my inner child head on with arms outstretched.
I would tell her:
Here I am.
I see you.
I believe you.
I am you.
I’ve since learned that I can connect with her in inspiring ways!
For example, I connect with my young college self, before I became pregnant and had to leave school, when I listen to the music I sang in my Choir class. That class and the music we performed made such an impact on me. I had felt like I was part of something beautiful, something moving and flowing, art that was alive and in the moment.
When I listen to the Brahms German Requiem, I feel close to that version of myself. I extend her the love she desperately wanted and the compassion she needed. I tell her she was brave, that she was perfect the way she was, that she had power even when she didn’t feel like it.
Another example is when I walk along the trail behind the condo complex where I live. I grew up walking along that trail and as I tread the same, familiar path I remember how much happiness the trail, with it’s sweeping trees and tall grass, brought me during a difficult time.
I feel close to my teenage self and her turbulent emotions. I smile as I think about her and gather those memories close, reminding myself that even as a teenager I was able to recognize that walking was a good form of self-care.
I remember being a child and walking along the trail, sometimes feeling like it was the only place I felt free. I hold that young girl close inside me and remind her how worthy and deserving of love she is just by being herself.
For some people, visualizations might help them feel closer to their inner child, but I believe that there are many ways to explore that part of our healing using:
- movies or shows that we watched growing up
- music that brings us back to important/monumental moments in our lives
- photographs of ourselves and/or others
- old books, toys, memorabilia from our youth
- places from certain parts of our lives or places that remind us of them
- memories
If I am feeling emotional or triggered by something, memories might cloud my mind unbidden. I then look deep inside myself and try to discover the root of my fear and pain.
Many times, I realize that the intense feelings within me are just echoes of the pain my inner child felt.
Putting my hand over my heart, I whisper loving words to myself, reassuring and calming myself at the same time. I believe that is one way you can re-parent yourself, especially if you had a parent who wasn’t there for you when you needed them.
Humans are complex and glorious, full of invention, creativity, and immeasurable strength. We have a deep capacity for love, and although it is good to share that love with others, we need to remember to give it to ourselves too.
We can’t count on someone else to do our healing for us, and in the end, isn’t healing a form of love to ourselves and those we care about?
