Three of my four children are distance learning at home due to the pandemic and as a single parent, I don’t have eyes in the back of my head to keep an eye on them all!
The mornings begin brittle and cold. My children burrow deeper into their flannel blankets and comforters. I poke my head in the boys’ room and call out to them to wake up. They glare at me with faces still puffy with sleep, like grumpy little hamsters.
My oldest daughter, one of the twins, is usually up and dressed. Armed with a graphic novel, she spoons cereal into her mouth or scrambled eggs she makes herself as she reads. The boys grumble and complain into their cereal or yogurt, wanting to play video games or watch YouTube instead of get ready for the day.
As for my toddler, who is turning three this month, she’s usually still in her little bed, wrapped up in pink flannel sheets and a Baby Shark comforter. Of course, I spend the whole morning reminding the older kids to be quiet so she can sleep in as much as possible and I can make breakfast for myself before she wakes. (Doesn’t always work…)
So our school mornings go. The kids finish their breakfasts, brush their teeth, and thus begins the countdown to their first Zoom meeting of the day. Along with this countdown, there is a lot of complaining, whining, fussing, and general unhappiness, which usually results in frustration and snippy words on my part.
The pandemic changed our lives in many ways, but I think this one is the most drastic. Back in March, I suddenly found myself unemployed due to the virus and then in charge of the online schooling for three out of my four children. As a single parent who needed to work, the anxiety started to consume me.
I found myself running from one child to another, trying to figure out websites, Zoom meeting times, and homework, at the same time that I was taking care of a toddler. What about taking care of myself? What about saving money to move into a larger place? What was going to happen to us if this went on?
Thankfully, there is more of a schedule this time around and I can sometimes breathe during the day. I am trying to earn money at home by writing and selling jewelry online, but it’s slow going. However, those things keep me productive and hopeful.
Honestly, what hurts me most as a parent is seeing how unhappy my kids are with distance learning, especially my oldest son (the other half of the twins). The twins are nine and my youngest son is seven, and all three have trouble staying focused. Sometimes they get bored or their attention drifts to books, doodling, TV, or whatever my toddler is up to. I’m trying to keep them motivated and involved, but there is only so much I can do. I can’t control their emotions or feelings, and nor would I want to.
I know they miss their friends, favorite staff members, and teachers. I am glad the school is using precautions and wants to keep everyone safe, but I wonder how this will affect my children in the long run. I worry about how many hours a day they are on the laptops.
My pediatrician believes that most kids’ eyes will be strained and perhaps in need of glasses by the time this is over.
I also noticed a difference in their behavior after this past week of Thanksgiving Break.
We had a glorious week off — no routine, no Zoom meetings, no emails. I was able to wake up and enjoy my morning, and the kids had fun doing what they wanted to for a while. We played out on our terrace every afternoon or went on a walk. I made sure we had plenty of paper and drawing materials. The kids read books and we played games together. We spent time with special people in our bubble and ate delicious food.
Yet, Monday morning arrived like a late Christmas card and everyone was out of sorts. I was repeating myself over and over reminding them to get dressed, eat, brush teeth, etc. The comfortable glaze over our life from the past week cracked and the distance learning routine set in again.
In the afternoon, we went out to celebrate the twins’ birthday and I noticed more attitude coming from the older kids. They were wound up, voices loud and clamoring over each other. I was starting to feel overwhelmed and wondered what was going on?
Perhaps the strain of being on the laptops and having to focus for so long had tired them out mentally. I also think that the lack of physical activity and fun is hard on the kids; they loved playing on their school playground and chasing their friends around. So then the kids have a lot of wiry energy leftover from the day spent distance learning and need to let it all out somehow.
I believe in the importance of education and routine. In fact, one positive of this pandemic has been the fact that my kids are now voracious readers and have discovered graphic novels and other books. There are books all over our condo, reminders that my kids now know the joy of stepping into another world, another life for a slice of time.
Nonetheless, I don’t believe that staring into a laptop for hours a day is helping them. I feel for the teachers, who I know are doing the best they can with a difficult medium during an uncertain time. I think this is hard on everyone, especially parents who now have extra workloads and stress on top of everything else.
Every day, I remind myself that it’s okay to dislike all this. It doesn’t mean I’m a bad parent or an ungrateful one, I’m just a human who is overwhelmed by everything on her plate. I am one parent with four children and there are moments where all the emails, worries, needs, and stress is just too much.
I tell myself to take it all one day at a time, which is all we can do. I know I can make it through the day because I have done it before. My children and loved ones need me and I want to show them that we all have a galaxy of strength within us that helps us make it through hard times. This whole experience has taught me so much about myself and I do believe it has brought us closer to the people meant to be in our lives.
Every morning we wake up propels us forward. The uncertainty will perish someday and our children will go back to school, armed with strength and new knowledge of themselves.
