Changing My Perspective on Parenting During a Pandemic Might Help Me Get Through It
I lost my job 11 months ago, the same day I found out that my kids’ school closed. I’ve been home with them ever since, and as a single parent, that isn’t easy. But perhaps if I think of my role at home differently, I might feel better about it.
This week, three of my kids started a new hybrid school schedule. They are at school four days a week for a few hours in the morning and then in the afternoon they work on asynchronous learning at home. After almost a year of not going to school, getting back into the routine hasn’t been easy, but I think they are ready for a change. A step forward, no matter what it looks like. A few hours doesn’t seem like much, but I think it makes a difference already.
Change can be exciting, frightening, anxiety-inducing, and more feelings, sometimes all at the same time. We want change, yet during this pandemic where there is so much uncertainty, it can be intimidating. There is so much we are unsure about, but what I do know is that distance learning was hard on my children and myself. I’m relieved that they can be somewhere else for a few hours a day surrounded by peers and teachers. I believe it must be refreshing for them.
As for myself, staying at home so much has been difficult. I want to be challenged, I want to work on my goals and chase my dreams. The routine of cooking, laundry, dishes, and schoolwork has become a grind. I am ready for a change, but I know it’s not my time yet. I am planning on going back to college and finishing my degree in the Fall, but I have months to go before then. How can I keep this routine going, support my children, and stay sane before classes start?
The past few weeks have been extra exhausting and my anxiety is high. But I realized something today.
Would shifting my perspective and thinking of my life as a job help me feel like I am accomplishing things?
I am a single parent and my kids live with me 24/7, so I take care of all their wants and needs. I help them with schoolwork. I feed them, clothe them, make sure they feel safe and well. I teach them about navigating life. I hug them when they are sad or when they are happy. I make sure they get exercise and sunshine.
Today I did six loads of laundry. We went on a walk outside and enjoyed the beautiful weather. I am about to make them dinner and start putting away said laundry.
I have been dreaming about finding a part time job during the mornings they are in school, but would that make me happy? Would that make life easier or would I be sacrificing more than I am right now?
Just taking care of four children is a full-time job and it can be hard to take a break.
I have a lot of goals and dreams, but isn’t one of those to ensure that my children are taken care of and know they are loved?
I don’t want to compare myself to others any more. I am not missing out on life because I’m at home folding laundry. I’m also not any less intelligent because of that. I have been entrusted with the care of four precious human beings, and with that comes a lot of responsibility.
During my marriage, I was a stay at home mom, and I felt isolated. It was hard to connect to others my age who didn’t have kids and/or were working. I also felt like what I was doing wasn’t considered important or even hard.
Parenting is so important. People need to realize that kids grow up and become adults who then are free to make choices, work, and even change the world. I believe that guiding them and being there for them when they are young helps in the long run.
Working moms are amazing too and are teaching their children the value of hard work. I’ve been both and it’s hard because you feel torn between family life and your own life. Balancing everything isn’t easy, but when is anything worth doing in life easy?
For now, I am home. I have a three year old who cuddles me and likes to ask for snacks. I have three older kids who are trying to stay flexible during an unprecedented time and stay focused during a kind of school they aren’t used to and shouldn’t have to be.
My job is taking care of them so they can grow up to be adults who look at themselves in the mirror and like what they see. And if they don’t, they know that it’s okay and self-love is a journey without shame.
Patience is definitely something I struggle with, and this pandemic has tested me. Yet I have also learned so much about myself and how to navigate life. I deepened some friendships and began a relationship. I have learned to stand up for myself and how to express my feelings. Despite the darkness, there has been a lot of light.
During the tough moments when I feel isolated or impatient, I will remind myself that I’m doing a job right now, an important one. And I’m doing a good job of it too.
